I knew that my favorite kitchen knife had to have extra uses intended for it rather than for merely cutting meat and trimming my fingernails!Some things are just so blatantly obvious.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Once Again I've Been Found Guilty Of Misusing Certain Kitchen Utensils
I knew that my favorite kitchen knife had to have extra uses intended for it rather than for merely cutting meat and trimming my fingernails!Some things are just so blatantly obvious.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Anybody Got An Extra Bullet That They Can Spare?
I've got to say that I've always agreed that suicide is a common human thought no matter what many people would lead you to believe.
Take for instance the time that I suffered second degree burns over much of my legs. Never mind that the sunburn had been my fault because I had allowed too much sun on my lily white legs after an entire winter of having kept them covered. It was so bad that I had bags of water hanging off of my legs that my girlfriend's sister had to drain and apply aloe vera to lest I tried to kill whoever was within reach of me at the time.
I've never hurt that much from anything in my life.
I seriously considered running my pick up truck into a power pole at 100 mph just so I wouldn't be in so much agony. At that point in time, death would have been a welcomed relief. And if anybody leaves me a comment that I would have went to hell if I had committed suicide, I swear that I'll search out your IP address, stalk you down like a lion does a gazelle on the Serengeti, and torture you very slowly until you expire.
I'm just sayin' that its okay to think about killing yourself sometimes without feeling the flames of hell lapping at your feet. The thought can sometimes be quite comforting.
Take for instance the time that I suffered second degree burns over much of my legs. Never mind that the sunburn had been my fault because I had allowed too much sun on my lily white legs after an entire winter of having kept them covered. It was so bad that I had bags of water hanging off of my legs that my girlfriend's sister had to drain and apply aloe vera to lest I tried to kill whoever was within reach of me at the time.
I've never hurt that much from anything in my life.
I seriously considered running my pick up truck into a power pole at 100 mph just so I wouldn't be in so much agony. At that point in time, death would have been a welcomed relief. And if anybody leaves me a comment that I would have went to hell if I had committed suicide, I swear that I'll search out your IP address, stalk you down like a lion does a gazelle on the Serengeti, and torture you very slowly until you expire.
I'm just sayin' that its okay to think about killing yourself sometimes without feeling the flames of hell lapping at your feet. The thought can sometimes be quite comforting.
A Bout Of Slight Constipation Miraculously Cured By Airplane Watching
I sat down this morning to watch the early morning skies like I've often been known to do.
This morning during a 24 minute period, I counted 9 planes, 1 crow, and 1 red tail hawk flying in a northeasterly direction. One plane was flying north and 2 planes were heading southwest.
Why was so much activity heading northeast?
Suddenly while contemplating such a lop-sided amount of air traffic in one direction, I became quite aware that I was experiencing a lot of bowel discomfort.
So I took my stat sheet inside with me and did a massive elimination dump.
I was very excited but saddened that no one in those planes would ever know how much my watching their plane speeding across the sky had aided me so much, physically speaking.
Some events are beyond explanation.
This morning during a 24 minute period, I counted 9 planes, 1 crow, and 1 red tail hawk flying in a northeasterly direction. One plane was flying north and 2 planes were heading southwest.
Why was so much activity heading northeast?
Suddenly while contemplating such a lop-sided amount of air traffic in one direction, I became quite aware that I was experiencing a lot of bowel discomfort.
So I took my stat sheet inside with me and did a massive elimination dump.
I was very excited but saddened that no one in those planes would ever know how much my watching their plane speeding across the sky had aided me so much, physically speaking.
Some events are beyond explanation.
My Secret Memoirs Are Desperately Needed For The Aid Of Humanity
Ask anyone who knows me and they'll all tell you the same thing ... I've always said that everybody is insane. There are no exceptions.
We all have our moments of sanity and rational thinking but generally speaking we are all crazy as hell. It's all about what level of insanity that we are operating on at any given moment.
Take my sister for example.
That girl has known very few moments of sane thinking during her 40+ years of life. The stories that she has given me over the years are truly precious and I'll be certain to share them with ya'll on a fairly regular basis.
Ditto for several other members of my family in which I'll have to include myself to be totally fair.
There have been so, so many that have contributed to my massively twisted worldview that I barely know where to start.
With that said, let us grab each other by the hand so that we can begin our journey.
We all have our moments of sanity and rational thinking but generally speaking we are all crazy as hell. It's all about what level of insanity that we are operating on at any given moment.
Take my sister for example.
That girl has known very few moments of sane thinking during her 40+ years of life. The stories that she has given me over the years are truly precious and I'll be certain to share them with ya'll on a fairly regular basis.
Ditto for several other members of my family in which I'll have to include myself to be totally fair.
There have been so, so many that have contributed to my massively twisted worldview that I barely know where to start.
With that said, let us grab each other by the hand so that we can begin our journey.
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